Never Enough

Despite having had severe depression in early adulthood, I never considered psychotherapy at that point in my life. My Ex had extensive experience with therapy and argued that everyone should do therapy. She compared it with bringing out the trash, but for mental health. Today, I would agree with her. At that time, it was too big of a step for me to open up my vulnerabilities to a stranger.

She showed me a mental health resource online and after doing some research on the web, I discovered that I had a fear of negative evaluation. It used to be more pronounced when I was younger, but finally I had a name and concept for what I had felt, but never understood in this clarity. I learned that avoidance is a typical coping mechanism for fear of negative evaluation, which explains why I had abstained from dating. I also understood that I used to have a fear of being laughed at, which in my case was related to fear of negative evaluation. Even without therapy, my Ex had helped me in my personal growth a few weeks into knowing her.

I would like to use this opportunity to promote psychotherapy. Many people, my former self included, consider therapy as an admission of weakness. Compare it with a personal trainer instead, but for mental training instead of physical training. You wouldn’t consider a person who works out with a personal trainer as weak, needy or physically impaired. Quite the contrary, such a person is strong, motivated and determined. The same applies to a person who works with a therapist to grow their character. You may have a demand after an injury or you may be a healthy person, who decides to become a better version of yourself. Either way, professional support will make it easier to reach your goal. You don’t even need to leave the comfort of your home to reach that goal, as there are online platforms with therapists who speak a variety of languages. The only condition is that you need to be willing to work on yourself. Just like with a personal trainer, you’re getting assistance but you’re the one who’s doing the work.