Never Enough

I was very much eager to give us a try, but also considered some concerns that would need to be cleared up. What if we turn out to annoy each other? What if we are physically incompatible? What about cultural differences? And most importantly: What if I commit to this relationship, but then she leaves me? I already anticipated that I wouldn’t cope well with abandonment and told her: “this would break me.” My next relationship was supposed to be my last–which at that point also happened to be my first. I took into account that it might not work, but my goal was to build a relationship that ideally lasts a lifetime.

As mentioned before, we lived two and a half hours apart. While this posed a hurdle to meet spontaneously, I believe it contributed to get to know each other. From now on, when we met, we stayed at each other’s place for multiple days or even weeks. In total, she stayed at my place for two non-contiguous months out of the five months that we had been together. We saw the other person at their best and at their worst.

I had a dental surgery scheduled and she agreed to come over to my place. She would stay for a few days while studying for an exam and prepare soft food to take care of me after my surgery. I enjoyed her presence a lot while recovering from the operation. I told her that I feel content. We kissed that night. Our relationship progressed. Not only took she care of me, but I also took care of her. I rearranged the bedroom to address her complaints that she stated before. I gave her my clothes to wear at home and I bought a nightlight, because she couldn’t see when she got up at night to go to the bathroom. She hugged me when I showed her the nightlight. Later that night, we would get into a conflict.